Mall Santa Busted For Groping Female Elf, 18

NOVEMBER 25--A 62-year-old mall Santa Claus was arrested Saturday after allegedly pinching the buttocks of an 18-year-old woman who worked with him as an elf photographer, police report.

Herbert Jones was arraigned this morning in a Massachusetts court on an indecent assault and battery charge. Free on $1000 bail, Jones is next due in court on Christmas Eve on the felony count. A District Court judge directed Jones, pictured in the adjacent mug shot, to stay out of the Hanover Mall, and barred him from dressing up as Santa Claus for the balance of the holiday season.

According to a Hanover Police Department report, the elf told officers that “she walked by Santa who was in his chair at which point he reached up and pinched her buttocks.” Jones and the teenager work for a company that describes itself as “providing Santa Photographic services to the mall during the holiday season.”

The teen said that after the pinching she reported the incident to her manager, who later told her that “Santa wanted to speak with her.” When she subsequently met with Jones, he began to yell at her, saying “I would never have done something like that!”
Prior to the pinching, the woman told cops, Jones told her, “I wish you were a few years older and I was younger.”

A female coworker told police that she saw Jones “reach up in the area’s of [the victim’s] behind.” The witness said that while she was “unsure if his hand actually made contact” with the victim’s buttocks, the elf later reported “that Santa ‘pinched her butt.’”
When cops approached Jones in “Santa’s changing room,” he declared, “I did not touch that girl.” Jones, who was not in his Santa costume, was then arrested and escorted to a police cruiser.  Click here to read more!

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How To Cook Your Thanksgiving Turkey In The Dishwasher..

No one ever expects chef David Burke to do anything the usual way. He's built a legendary career on playing with our expectations and making food fun. But we'll admit that even knowing about Burke's commitment to the element of surprise and flair for drama, we really did not see his Thanksgiving turkey recipe coming.

Let's set the scene: you're hosting Thanksgiving, and have an oven's worth of side dishes to cook and reheat. How can you lighten the load on this kitchen appliance during its most active day of the year? Burke says you can cook your Thanksgiving turkey in the dishwasher. Dishwasher turkey. You read that correctly. This is a dishwasher turkey recipe.


Yes. This kind of dishwasher. Can this really be done? Why would you ever even try to find out? Well, the legend goes like this:

In 1982, Burke worked as a private chef for a family in Oslo, Norway. The family requested cold poached salmon for a buffet that Sunday evening. The group of chefs went out and caught themselves a 10-pound salmon. After realizing they didn't have any cooking vessel large enough to cook the whole fish in, Burke's notorious creativity kicked into gear. He seasoned and wrapped the salmon, then hung it on the top rack of the dishwasher, where the glasses typically go. Three cycles later, he was rewarded with a perfectly poached whole fish, and has been experimenting ever since.

Which brings us to today. Now, before you all lose your freaking minds the way we did when we first heard about this, we want to stipulate that Burke is not suggesting you wrap up an entire, 20-pound Thanksgiving turkey in cling-film and toss it in the dishwasher -- his recipe calls for turkey breasts only. Still, if you want to give your oven a break (and probably freak out your relatives as an added bonus), we got Burke to share his Thanksgiving dishwasher turkey recipe with us.

Click here for the Ingredients

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Man Passes Out Drunk In England, Wakes Up In Paris

Luke Harding had a night he'll never forget.If only he could remember it.

Harding, a 19-year-old sheet metal worker started out drinking in a few pubs in Manchester, England, and quickly got three sheets to the wind.Around 4 a.m. when he was heading home, Harding found his passport in his pocket and decided to make a detour to Paris, which was a 500-mile plane flight away, Dumb As A Blog reported.

"I found my passport, which I’d been using for ID, and an app on my phone was saying something about cheap flights to Paris," he told the Metro. "

It was a spur of the moment thing and seemed like a good idea at the time."Harding told the cabbie to head to Manchester Airport, and, using his iPhone, booked a 6 a.m. flight for $161,according to the Daily Star. Read more here.

(Please Note: we take NO credit for this story.)